I wanted today's title to be something like a shout...maybe, ENOUGH or CRANKY or maybe simply I GIVE UP. Sometimes I try to think about how I'm feeling, trying to compare it to last month or 3 months ago etc and all I can come up with is ick, Ewww, bad, gross. But is it all that way? Were there not some good days? I know there have been, there have to be right? Otherwise how would one remaine sane.
I remember talking to my Doctor a few months back about it...why no remissions this year. He gently apologized, I love that about him by the way, he reminded me that the past 3 years have been rough. My moms death, two surgeries not to mention just the usual stuff that occurs in my crazy house. He gently told me one surgery is bad enough on my body but two have just pushed it to its limit. I mean I received the flu shot at the end of October and I've never had a reaction like this years. I was tossed rather unceremoniously into a pit of pain and fatigue that rendered my usually good natured attitude right into the soup of dismay...I'm so sorry to my family who takes the blunt of it, to my friends who may have noticed a decrease in communication.
You see a flare doesn't mean just increased pain and fatigue but also a shutting down of very reactive senses...noises are louder, nerves are tighter, eyes are blurry and sore, scents are jarring pain shoots through my hands with simple tasks and I just plain don't want to put effort into anything.
But as with all things this too shall pass or in my case lessen. ?right? Sometimes I wonder, but I do know there are good days coming there always are and this doesn't mean pain free or energy full days it just means that as I get closer to the bottom of my reserves I know without a doubt that's when Christ takes over...I love those times, yup you heard right, in the midst of pain and fatigue I love it when I can just press up against Him, close my eyes and feel His presence in a most profound way...
His promises are what gets me up in the morning, what makes me put one foot in front of the other and put a smiling face on, so I will continue on I will not give up I will find peace and joy in everyday things and I promise to try and be less cranky, less inward looking and to put effort into positive communicating